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Showing posts with label Existentialist Angst. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Existentialist Angst. Show all posts

Friday, 14 September 2012

Terrorisiert

It helps the pain.
Too much, just way too much: a copy of a 3100 word letter from my solicitor to the Learning Disability Partnership.
July 2008 - September 2012 - Cambridgeshire LDP still ain't got it together
Staring down the double-barrel of an ESA50, broken foot, broken brain.


Broken cutters
broken saws
Broken buckles
broken laws
Broken bodies
broken bones
Broken voices on broken phones
Take a deep breath
feel like you're chokin'
Everything is broken.

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Frühstück

I think I'll need a stiff one.
Sur le sable, face à la mer
Se dresse là, un cimetière
Où les cyprès comme des lances
Sont les gardiens de son silence.

Sur le sable, des lits de fer
Sont plantés là, face à la mer
Mon ami, la mort t'a emmené
En son bateau pour l'éternité.

Si on allait au cimetière
Voir mon nom gravé sur la pierre,
Saluer les morts face à la mer,
Ivres de vie dans la lumiere.

Dans la chaleur, le silence
A l'heure où les cyprès se balancent
Les morts reposent au cimetière
Sous le sable, face à la mer.

Monday, 3 September 2012

An Accommodation Too Far

or
How I Broke the Social Model

The Social Model of Disability [1] as first proposed, suggests that disability is

... the disadvantage or restriction of activity caused by a contemporary social organisation which takes little or no account of people who have physical impairments ...

This can be translated into standard English to read, in its simplest form

people with physical impairments are mainly disabled by society’s failure provide enough wheelchairs

whereas the Oxford English Dictionary says succinctly

a physical or mental condition that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities

A good example of the usefulness of the social model can be seen in the, fortunately now outdated, behaviour of special schools for the disabled [2]

... those disabled people who attended segregated schools may have gained lower academic qualifications than their non-disabled peers, simply because their ‘special’ school failed to provide a proper mainstream curriculum.

My mother caught polio

My mother caught polio when she was 15 years old. She spent more than a year in an iron lung before she recovered enough to breathe unaided.

She has ever since been in a wheelchair.
Mummy in the middle caught in her E&J Wheelchair at school
In about 1971 she was provided with a Mini 850, fitted with hand-controls and was able to take us three children to school in the morning and then go off to work as a telephonist for Griffin & George.

The company fortunately had a reception with big double doors her wheelchair could get through, and fortunately at the time, Society saw fit to provide her with a subsidised and adapted car.

A seriously disabled woman

A seriously disabled woman with State and an understanding employer’s help, was able, raise three children and hold down a job.

(If you’re wondering where my father was during this time, he was mainly on the run from the Army, in Florida with the leading actress from Bewitched).

So to reiterate, the Social Model proposes

that disability is a result of the barriers faced by people with impairments

The Skegness Butlins Sexy Legs competition

And that if one removes the barriers, by providing suitable “accomodations", for example adapting a motorcar to be driven with someone with no legs and providing wheelchair accessible workplaces, the person effectively ceases to be disabled (except of course, until they try to enter the Skegness Butlins Sexy Legs competition - but don’t mention that, it’s wrongthink that gets one expelled from the Crip Club).



As time went on, some non-mentally impaired people, decided that the mentally disabled deserved the same right to re-examine their “disabilities” in terms of a neo-Marxist model of societal oppression by a mentally privileged oligarchy. [3]

Created an idea they called Neurodiversity 

A little later, some actually mentally disabled people got in on the act and created an idea they called Neurodiversity [4] - and largely blamed the entirety of their impairments on the attitudes of “Neurotypicals”. [5]

OK, now lets try and apply this extension of the Social Model to me:

I have autism and I am described by Dr Zaman from the Specialist Learning Disability Service as having an

ASD [Autistic Spectrum Disorder] and major difficulty in social interaction...

... functioning is poor because of the developmental disorder and his lack of social skills, independent skills and communication difficulties...


Yeah, so far so good...

It was clear from the assessment that the behavioural symptoms, agitation and angry outbursts are associated with his ASD



OK, that’s a fair measure of my ‘disability’ - social interaction causes me major anxiety, I have very few social skills to call on when dealing with people, and I have trouble expressing myself, and often even talking is impossible.

Massacring passing country-folk

Consequently I often take out my frustration by screaming like a terrified animal, or smashing-up things, or if I’m having a really bad day, by firing up my chainsaw and massacring passing country-folk.

Drink cheap whisky, smoke strong dope

Actually, if I’m in a really bad mood, I drink cheap whisky, smoke strong dope and pop Lorazepam until I am unconscious and thus incapable of functional medievalism.

I know killing people is wrong, so I don’t go out on bad days.

“Where am I going?”

If I do go out on a Bad Day, the consequences for those around me are often not nice: the little old lady who brushes my arm as she terrifyingly sits next to me, is told to “fuck off”; the toddler opposite is petrified by the sight of the unkempt bus-stop looney rocking and a jabberin’ to himself as the sensory overload and anxiety propels his brain to an epileptiform ballet leaving him dribbling and distressed and asking the ever patient bus drivers “Where am I going?”

Stop oppressing me 

Listen up, people: give me my Wheelchair for the mind! Stop oppressing me with you lack of regard to my needs! Accomodated ME!

Don’t touch me, ever, even by accident. At best, I’ll swear at you, at worst, I’ll hit you.
Don’t take you kids out if they get upset by the sight of retards.
Don’t ever telephone me, ever. It scares the shit out of me and I won’t answer and it’ll take me hours to get over it.
Don’t knock on my door. FFS! Don’t ever, ever do that! It sends my blood pressure so high I see stars and I have to hide under the bed. (Unfortunately I am not exaggerating for theatrical effect).
Don’t ever expect me to reply to a tweet in less than a week. The last time you Tweeted me, desperate as I was for human contact, it scared me so much I couldn’t Tweet for days. And still haven’t managed to reply yet.
Don’t expect me to tell you that it’s a pretty dress when you look like a moose that’s had an accident in a curtain factory. I don’t do that socialising shit.


This list is not exhaustive, in fact, the briefing document for those care workers brave enough to visit me runs to about 3000 words...

Just going to have to accommodate me

And I’m sorry, you’re just going to have to accommodate me spitting in your face because you’ve accidentally invaded my personal space...

Are you feeling as uncomfortable as me about the atomic-powered, Golden Wheelchair the Social Model seems to propose?

Impalements from physical and mental illnesses

Over the years the Social Model has been refined into several sub-models including the biopsychosocial (BPS) model which attempts to view the impalements from physical and mental illnesses as having an exogenous source. [6]

The BPS model attracted the attention of American healthcare insurers, and one, UNUM has made it a central plank of their strategy in dealing with insurance claims from sick and disabled people. [7]

The idea is that the impact of an illness on a person isn’t just a result of the purely medical elements. Physical (e.g. disease, joint damage), psychological (e.g. disposition, anxiety) and social factors (e.g. work demands, family support) also play an important role.

An excuse to stop work and claim for expensive treatment

In practice it means that the company views all potential claims as being from malingerers attempting to use their terminal cancer as an excuse to stop work and claim for expensive treatment that isn’t likely to save them anyway. [8][9]

The tale of how the Social Model mutated and how UNUM influenced the work of the company tasked with the governments monumental welfare reforms, ATOS Healthcare has been well documented by others. [10]


Even in its most ethical and pure form the Social Model seems to leave me a little out in the cold, while the BPS model puts me at Ground Zero of the government’s determination to end this “something for nothing culture” of wheelchairs and adapted cars. [11]


[1] The Social Model of Disability. Grant Carson http://www.ukdpc.net/site/images/library/Social%20Model%20of%20Disability2.pdf
[2] http://www.ukdpc.net/site/images/library/Social%20Model%20of%20Disability2.pdf
[3] ‘Learning Difficulties’, the Social Model of Disability and Impairment: challenging epistemologies. Dan Goodley http://www.discourseunit.com/papers/du_members/goodley_papers/Goodley%202001%20D&S.pdf
[4] http://www.danda.org.uk/pages/neuro-diversity.php
[5] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurotypical
[6] The clinical application of the biopsychosocial model. Engel GL http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7369396
[7] UNUM and BPS Model http://ask.unum.co.uk/blog/questions/frequently-asked-questions/
[8]"My Job Was to Terminate and Deny Claims," says Former Unum Claims Handler http://www.lawyersandsettlements.com/articles/first_unum/interview-unum-insurance-disability-claims-5-16710.html#.UET4HIoaOTI
[9] Suit Says Insurer Wrongly Denied Disability Claims http://articles.latimes.com/2004/apr/17/business/fi-unum17
[10] A tale of two models http://www.dpac.uk.net/2012/04/a-tale-of-two-models-disabled-people-vs-unum-atos-government-and-disability-charities-debbie-jolly/
[11] Even the dying will work http://the-newrepublic.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/even-dying-will-work.html

Saturday, 1 September 2012

Das Totschreiben -
The Death Letter

Not a problem: I have sleeping tablets, whisky and charcoal.
My anxiety disorder has recently graduated to a stress disorder and the consequent breakdown of the boundaries between the present and past are preventing a more rational and reasoned approach to this development.

Ton Steine Scherben - Wir müssen hier aus (We Gotta Get Out of Here)

Wir sind geboren, um frei zu sein.
Wir sind zwei von Millionen, wir sind nicht allein.
Wir sind geboren, um frei zu sein,
Wir sind 60 Millionen, wir sind nicht allein.

We are born to be free.
We are two of millions, we are not alone.
We are born to be free
We are 60 million, we are not alone.

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Arbeitsscheu Muß Sterben!

The Work-shy must Die!
(Freely) With you, you carry the lifetime cost of the genetically diseased.
The Commons today have dumped the Lords' futile attempts at softening the impact of the Welfare Reform Bill.

The sick and disabled of both Britain and the other poor and unfortunate Euro-nations, will now bare the major cost of the cancerous German style Hartz IV reform.

1933-07-26 - Arthur Gutt - Law on the Prevention of
Genetically Diseased Offspring (German)
Meanwhile the sick and disabled 

Meanwhile on the streets the activists and sick and disabled are finalising their suicide pacts, while Poundland gears up to have a 20,000 strong army of starving and easily biddable Chavs on £0 p/hr to lead Britain out of the worst economic and moral shitstorm since the 1930's.

far preferable to life as a Erbkranker, in the UK today

Fuck, death is far, far preferable to life as a Erbkranker, in the UK today. The warnings of the Rabbis have been ignored; after all one must never, ever equate anything with the Nazis.

Hearing the Voice of Moses - Rabbi Debbi Somers-Young / Kalyia Franklin 13th January 2012

In Nazi Germany, well before there were Jewish pogroms and camps, disabled and mentally ill German citizens were rounded up, and it was for them that camps were initially developed. And how were the rest of the population convinced this was ok? They were told that these people were an economic drain on the nation. 

Holocaust Memorial Day - Danni Neumann 25th January 2012

The Nazi campaign started by targeting not the Jews but disabled people. They where quietlygassed in the first experiments with Zyklon B, these people were comparativelylow in numbers, were less likely to be missed, could not speak up forthemselves, and had no-one to speak up for them.
Then after a large propaganda campaign that tapped intothe populations anger about the country economic state, the murder of millions begun long standing prejudice's like...

"they think the world owes them something",
"They are a drain on the country's limited resources",
"they do not work so they are worthless",

"It would be kinder not to mention cheaper to kill them, preferably at birth",

...Are stomach turning yet they are statements I hear from people and politicians every day. Maybe not put quite as frankly or bluntly as that but the underlining argument and sentiment is the same.


We have entered a new age

We have entered a new age today. Where those caught up in the polite realpolitik of Westminster suddenly realise, that no number of emails to right wing Tories will ever soften their hearts; no amount of sloganeering, nor 100 strong demonstrations of disabled people will get them the traction they strive for.
Kauft Nicht Bei Nazis (Don't Buy From Nazis) (German)

The truth is, nothing short of Direct Action can have any chance of impacting on this debate. People are dying. People are being driven to their deaths by bullies and by the fear of poverty and homelessness.

People are dying

The Government, Opposition and Media have set a firestorm and the crips and the sick and the unemployed are being knocked down like skittles in the hurricane force inrush of supporters.

The Government, Opposition and Media have set a firestorm

Iain Duncan Smith Dr. Walter Groß said recently in the 1930's
We recall the days of delirium, when millions of unemployed had been thrown on the street by a sick political and economic system, made superfluous.
A single person pried the tracks apart and derailed a train... ...and stole their money.
And what did the world of yesterday say? “He can’t help himself. He is a victim of circumstances. He has Beethoven’s hands and an artistic temperament. We need not put him on the gallows or in prison to protect us and our children.
One must NEVER equate anything with the Nazis. Ever. Period.
No, this poor Schlesinger is only sick because of his environment. Put him in a modern sanitarium, give him what he needs: radio, a library, a smoking salon, a language teacher, a pastor, a newspaper room, ...In a few years, this murderer... will leave as an ideal human being, so pure and innocent that one can put him in charge of a kindergarten.”
That’s what people thought in the past.
Today that seems a bad joke to us, a crazy fantasy, 
but a few years ago it was government policy in Germany...
Welcome to the end of the world as we know it

And indeed in the UK. Welcome to the end of the world as we know it. I'm not going out quietly. I suggest you join me on the streets and we'll die like men, women, crips, and chavs.

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Babylon's Burning

Riots this evening are breaking out all over the UK.
Police are said to be unable to contain the situation.

Woman jumps from burning building in London

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

The Fear - Like Being

"Mark Ty-Wharton is an exponential interventionist, iridescent existentialist and extra special experimentalist" – Nick Rhodes, Duran Duran


"You’ve heard the phrase think outside the box before?
For me, there is no box..."